Good Advice

From my journal: September 16, 1990, Redondo Beach, California

“…can’t believe we’ve been married a whole 8 days! Seems like we’ve been married forever – just that now we call each other husband and wife…”

I had to smile when I read this entry in one of my journals recently. By the time we said our “I dos” we had been together seven years. Maybe that’s why it seemed we’d been “married forever”. And yesterday when we celebrated out 34th wedding anniversary I realized that I have been partnered with Robert for almost two-thirds of my entire life – wow! A testament to our commitment!

I remember when engaged, I was like many brides-to-be, focused on the Big Day, until the Big Day. My dress, my bridesmaids, their dresses, the groomsmen, their attire. The venue, the type of ceremony, the officiant, our vows, the readings, the photographer. The invitation list, the entertainment, the meals, our song, the playlist, the flowers. Decisions, decisions! Suggestions from family and friends were gladly welcomed and taken.

Living in California, we planned on getting married in Massachusetts aboard the Majestic Princess that was to set sail at 4:30 pm sharp from Rowes Wharf on our blessed day. Long before modern communication, we had to rely on recommendations of a wedding consultant based in Boston whom we met with in person only once. She put us in touch with a network of others to advise us on everything from wedding favors to DJs. We also needed help with accommodations and transportation. Except for three college friends and a few relatives, everyone else, all 60 other folks, had to travel to be there.

Looking back, our wedding day was one of the best in my life. That’s the day I officially became a wife, and our married life began. Although I don’t recall asking for it, I can’t forget the advice that was offered, especially at my bridal shower, from those who took the leap before me. They included:

• “Don’t go to sleep mad.”

• “Communicate. Talk things out.”

• “Pick your battles.”

• “Don’t hold grudges. Learn to forgive and move on.”

• “You may forget what an argument was about, but not the words that were said.”

• “Treat your husband the way you want to be treated.”

• “Do things together but have separate interests.”

• “Actions speak louder than words.”

• “Know there will always be ups and downs. Learn to deal with them together.”

• “Love changes and evolves over time.”

• “Separate bathrooms help!”

• “Before all else, be a good friend to your husband.”

• “Always be kind.”

• “Be your spouse’s biggest cheerleader.”

• “Say thank you…often.”

• “Don’t make assumptions. Ask what’s going on.”

• “Be respectful.”

• “Humor works wonders!”

• “Listen more than you talk.”

And it was my Aunt Louise who sent me an actual recipe card. On it was written:

A Happy Marriage

2 hearts full of Love

2 cups of Kindness

2 armfuls of Gentleness

2 cups of Friendship

2 cups of Joy

2 hearts full of Forgiveness

1 Lifetime of Togetherness

Whisk daily with happiness, humor, and patience.

Serve with warmth, compassion, and respect.

Enjoy each and every day!

The guidance we received in planning our wedding truly made our event unique, special, and memorable. The adages passed on from our relatives and friends made a difference, too. I’ve learned over the past 34 years that these gems were not only good advice for wives, but for husbands, as well. Meaningful for any couple, married or otherwise. And really, wise words for anyone in any relationship, of any kind. Good advice, period. As relevant now, as it was then.