Pillow Talk

When buying things these days, there are three questions that most often come to mind. They are, is it supportive, is it comfortable, and maybe most importantly, is it machine washable? Yes, this where I am in my life now. I no longer want to make-do, settle for, or fuss with anything that isn’t just right. If something takes more research to find, more time to get, or more money to purchase, that’s fine with me. I’m now willing and able to be more selective, discerning, simply choosier. But even so, when a decision needs to be made, six months is about tops for me.

So here’s where I am with my latest quest to buy that item, the one that usually comes in a rectangular form and is filled with natural or synthetic stuffing that I, like just about everyone else on the planet, rests their head on each night. You’d think being a lifelong user, I’d be fluent in pillow talk, but it seems whenever I need to buy a new one, I’m paralyzed by the choices. This predicament begs the question, then why not just replace it with the exact same kind each time? Ah, if only it was that easy. Perhaps my problem is that I wait too long in between purchases which I have learned on average should be 2 to 3 years –so by the time I begin this arduous task, the pillow I want has changed or more likely, I have.

From my journal: January 28, 2025, Newbury Park, California

“Woke up with a crick in my neck every day last week…ugh! Can’t remember when I replaced my pillow last…yikes! Couldn’t find the exact one I have so ordered a new one…hope it works out…”

As far as shapes go, I most frequently buy rectangular pillows. However, I did try a round one with a hole in the center once. It was similar to the neck cradling ones people wear when traveling. Lying sideways on it, my head always seemed to dip into the middle impeding my breathing. Then, there was the squarish shaped one with four finger-like pieces that is dubbed the Flawless Face Pillow Cloud. That was an impulse buy after I was convinced by an online ad that my pillow was to blame for the fine lines on my face – ha! I’ve also bought contour, cervical, and body shaped pillows. Yet, I have not given the wedge or bolster a go.

Another consideration is the fill. Who knew there were so many? For most of my life, I was only aware of these choices – down, feather, or synthetic. When I was younger and my body temperature ran cool, down worked best. When I got a older and my body began to run hot, feather was good. When I became sensitive to allergies and wanted a pillow that was easier to clean, synthetic stepped in. But at some point, I discovered a whole new world of fill. Gel, block memory foam, shredded memory foam, block latex, shredded latex, cotton, wool, buckwheat, microbeads, and kapok! I’ve tried them all except for kapok.

Maybe twenty years ago, I read about matching the position I sleep in to its loft, that is how high a pillow is when your head is resting on it. I’m a side sleeper so that means I need a medium to high loft, about 3 to 5 inches. I also need a mid-range firmness in order to fill the gap between my head and mattress properly. That way my head, neck, and spine are aligned. Another tidbit I found out is that a side sleeper’s head and neck should be at a 30-degree angle for optimum breathing! Live and learn.

Since late January, I have bought two pillows and a third has been gifted to me. I got the Duo Sleep Neck Posture Pillow filled with polyester and cover on sale for $100. It has three main sections and your head is supposed to rest in the middle fold. While comfy, I didn’t feel it gave me the support I needed and I felt claustrophobic resting in it. Soon after, I bought a Tempur-Pedic Serenity Pillow. This one is touted as “the ultimate side-sleeper companion” and was supposed to keep me cool. After letting it air out for the required 72 hours, I laid my weary head on it. While supportive, it felt too heavy, leaving me feeling hot. But, I paid less than $40 for it, so there’s that.

Now in between these purchases, I of course have kept my memory foam pillow, the one that needs replacing. I’m tempted just to keep it, but the telltale signs of aging couldn’t be more apparent. It is coming apart all over, it has a faint odor, and it’s losing its shape. And I now know that nothing good comes from these symptoms. Dead skin cells, dust mites, and mold all love old pillows. Yuck! 

My six-month window for a replacement has now passed, and I’ve begun to panic a bit. But as luck would have it, or perhaps after listening to me drone on about my pillow woes for over a half a year, Robert recently bought me one. I now have a Coop Home Goods Original Adjustable Pillow, medium firm, good for side sleepers. I’ve washed the cover, and I’ve added more loft with the filling provided. As I write this, the jury is still out on whether this will be right for me. Still in the trial phase, we’ll see how it goes and if any more adjustments will need to be made. But for now, I’m a bit tired, so I’ll give it a rest, and simply sleep on it.