JOMO

Going to parties, celebrations, work shindigs, bashes, barbeques, happy hours, restaurants, theaters, movies, shops, family gatherings, concerts, reunions, weddings, graduations, shows, museums, basketball games, baseball games, hockey games, tennis matches, ski resorts, bike meets, running events, charity functions, going on vacations, sight-seeing tours, getaways, and more. Fun get togethers, with a few people, with a lot of people. In intimate settings, in epic arenas. With family, with friends. With co-workers, with acquaintances. Over the years, I’ve attended, participated in, and hosted my fair share of these events. Wow! Or should I say Whew?! I’m just tired listing them!

But now into my sixth decade of life, I am thrilled to embrace something else, something different, something new to me. It’s called JOMO, the joy of missing out. The term coined by Anil Dash, a tech entrepreneur in 2012, is the concept that a person no longer feels the need to attend all events they are invited to. Amen!

From my journal: March 15, 2022, Newbury Park, California

“Appreciated being asked out for appetizers and drinks, but was so happy to stay home and lounge in my pjs…”

In line with my goal of self-care this year, JOMO involves disconnecting from or at least reducing the consumption of social media to spend more time taking care of oneself physically, mentally, and emotionally. It doesn’t mean staying at home and becoming a hermit, it just means being more selective about which activities you engage in. It’s about choosing quality over quantity.

Besides feeling better about how you spend your time, other benefits include increased productivity, focus, and being more present. Still, I know myself. When asked out, my first reaction is to say, “Yes!” I tend to feel obligated, after all someone has taken the time to extend an invitation to me. I should be gracious enough to accept it, right?

Not necessarily. If I ask myself how many times I have gone somewhere, to do something, for someone, that I honestly didn’t want to do, my answer would be…countless times. Perhaps you can relate. But, if like me, you no longer want to accept invites that don’t align with your values, don’t resonate with you, or you know will drain you, how do you bow out gracefully? 

Here’s how. First, look for other ways to fill your time. It’s not necessary to cut out social media entirely, we all want to stay connected, but consider your interests, goals, and passions. What could you do with more free time? What could be fun? What could be fulfilling? I love checking out FB and Instagram to see the art my friends produce, but instead of spending hours looking at it, wishing I was making art, I now spend more time creating my own. I’m being intentional with my time.

Second, establish clear boundaries. Learning what my limits are has been especially useful when being asked to take on more volunteer jobs. While I enjoy lending a hand, it’s been my experience that the more I say yes, the more I’m asked to give. Now I know I don’t have to take on every cause that comes my way or give more time to the organizations I currently work with. I’m protecting my time.

And third, learn to say no, without apologizing. I have and sometimes still do struggle with this. When I used to decline anything, the first three words out of my mouth were “I’m so sorry.” That phrase was followed by a long-winded explanation of why I couldn’t take part. What I am learning to do now is to acknowledge a request I don’t want to take up with a sincere “thank you” and a “I appreciate you thinking of me, but no thanks”.  I’m prioritizing my time.

Whenever I consider how I am spending my time now, I am aware of just how finite it is. By embracing JOMO, the joy of missing out, I am honoring what’s most important to me, and allowing myself to find the joy, my joy, in everything I choose to do, each and every day.