Side By Side

From my journal: December 2, 2023, Newbury Park, California

“What a surprise! We were given flowers, gift certificates, and were honored at the Big Brothers Big Sisters holiday party today!”

Earlier this year, my mentee and I were named the 2023 Big and Little Sisters of the Year for Ventura County. We were each asked to share our experience with the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization and recently we were invited to speak at a breakfast for donors and board members. Now that our year of being recognized is coming to a close, I wanted to share our story.

For years I’ve been interested in becoming a Big Sister, but time was constantly an issue, until I retired. Being a good listener, culturally aware, modeling appropriate behavior, and respecting boundaries were all part of my teacher training and practice, so I thought being a mentor would be a good fit. I have always loved interacting with kids; their honesty, openness, and curiosity about everything under the sun makes any time spent together worthwhile. Having the good fortune to have lived on both coasts and abroad, I’ve learned many valuable lessons about myself and others that I wanted to share. There’s a big, beautiful world out there just waiting to be explored! And having had mentors throughout my life, parents, teachers, and employers who positively influenced me in a myriad of ways, was a gift I wanted to pass on. Still, there was a part of me that worried. How would my Little Sister and I spend our time together? What would we have in common? And most concerning was our age difference, more than 45 years!

But once I met Reese, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. It turns out, we enjoy a lot of the same activities. Creating art, picnicking in the park, visiting museums, watching movies, and hiking. Right from the start, our get togethers became a weekly routine. Although, none of our outings could ever be called routine. Even if we do the same thing many times, it is always an adventure with Reese!

Through our common love for hiking, we’ve gotten to know each other well. There’s just something about the rhythm of walking side by side in natural open spaces that encourages words and feelings to flow freely. Over the many miles we’ve trekked we’ve voiced our opinions on countless topics, with one of us undoubtedly saying to the other, “Good point!” We’ve shared our personal experiences on how to make friends in a new place, what it feels like when a beloved pet dies, and even fun ways to spend a Saturday afternoon. Step by step, our understanding of one another has deepened.

Just like with any friend, we have our differences, too. While I love to read, write, and cook. Reese loves to swim, climb, and sing. And the thing is we don’t have to like or do everything the other does. Swimming in a creek, climbing on monkey bars, or singing country songs along with the Highway 101 station, are not me, but they are Reese. And it’s fun for me to see and hear her engage in them. While she is a more-the-merrier, spontaneous type, I am a planner and like interacting in small groups best. I am more of an introvert. Reese is more of an extrovert. Maybe because we accept each other just as we are, our time together seems so comfortable and easy. Maybe this is why our friendship works.

Throughout our journey together, we’ve both changed for the better. In the beginning, Reese used to appear surprised when I picked her up to do something.  Now she understands that I say what I mean and do what I say. She can trust me. Reese knows I will show up for her physically and emotionally because I have done so for the last six years. Having Reese in my life has affirmed that age is just a number. Early on while we were at a park, Reese asked me to join her on the playground equipment. I hesitated, but her enthusiasm was so contagious that I found myself scaling a rock wall, traversing on a rope, and sliding down a chute – backwards! We can both appreciate the perks that come with our age gap now. Reese taught me how to create a meme on my phone and I’ve introduced her to the old-fashioned art of letter writing!

Of all the lessons I’ve learned from Reese, the most important has to be how to listen. Really listen. Not only with my ears, but with my heart. The first three years we were matched I kept a scrapbook of our every outing, complete with photos of us, the places we visited, snippets of our conversations, even ticket stubs, and receipts. On Reese’s 11^th birthday, I gave it to her. Upon opening it, she didn’t say, “Wow!”, or “It’s great!” or even Thank you!” as I expected. She just flipped through the pages quietly, then put it back into the bag I brought it in. Disappointed, I didn’t understand her reaction. Not until I dropped her off did I get it. That’s when she said, “I can tell you put a lot of love into it.” Sometimes no words or just a few, can convey so much.

Mentoring Reese has been and continues to be an amazing journey. Enjoying time together, learning from each other, and being supportive friends, there’s really nothing we can’t do, as long as we’re side by side!