The Same Side

We had been together four years when on that magical evening, June 5, 1987, we got engaged! Like any good daughter, the first people I shared this news with were my parents. Calling them in Massachusetts from California, each took a turn on the phone saying “Congratulations!” And I’m pretty sure in the background I also heard my dad breathe a sigh of relief and say, “Thank God”. Then we phoned Robert’s parents. Their response? “It’s about time!”

Anyone who has gotten engaged knows there’s a lot to do, before saying, “I do.”  There’s the all-important date to set, the venue to choose, the wedding party to consider, and if you’re the bride, it is the dress. So, the first thing I did in preparation was subscribe to the premiere wedding-related magazines on the market then. Soon after, Brides and Modern Bride began to arrive. Each brimming with beautiful pictures of blushing brides in lavish dresses, smiling at tuxedoed grooms while toasting to happily ever after. How romantic!

Just a couple of months of enjoying my new title, fiancée, I got an interesting phone call. There were no cell phones then, so I answered the landline. And there was no caller ID then either, so I had no idea who was on the other end. Imagine my surprise when I found out it was a woman who got my name from the Brides database! Once she told me that, I thought surely she’d want to sell me something. A designer dress? Etched champagne flutes? A honeymoon package to Hawaii? No, she was actually a coordinator with a production company based in Los Angeles. But why call me?  And what did they produce? TV pilots, as I soon learned.

Listening carefully, I wrote down the information she gave me. The show’s title, date, time, location, how long we’d need to be there, where to park, what to bring. Before confirming, I had to okay it and check availability with two other people. The first person? Robert. And the second, Ella, my mother-in-law-to-be.

From my journal: September 21, 1987, Redondo Beach, California

“Ella agreed to go!  She’s coming to our house early on Saturday, then we’ll go into the city…”

Television City is located in the Fairfax District of Los Angeles. We parked in a lot off of Beverly Boulevard and headed into the studio. Once we checked in, and were given name tags, Ella and I parted ways with Robert. I’m not sure where he went, but we were ushered into a large waiting room where dozens of other women were seated. Then came the big reveal!

While we knew we were going to take part in the taping of a game show called “Meet Your Mother-In-Law” we didn’t have any other specifics. Now the idea behind the show was to learn who knew the groom-to-be better – the doting mother who had held his hand from childhood to adulthood, or the bride-to-be who presumably hadn’t known him as long and knew him less well. When called to the set, we were told Robert would sit in between us, sort of tug of war like. Questions would be asked, and we’d record our answers on cards. Points would be earned for matching Robert’s answers. Then the winner would be announced at the end of the round.

But before we were reunited with Robert, Ella and I were told to be a bit dramatic and act like we were at odds with each other. Now that something, that wasn’t going to be a stretch. By then, Ella and I knew each other long enough to be well aware of our differences. She was a “tell it like it is” type, I am more of the “I don’t want to offend anyone” kind. She thought of me as a “softie,” and I referred to her as a “tough cookie”.  And vying for Robert’s attention and affection? Nothing new there!

Then the round began. Ding! Ding!

Question 1: What is Robert’s favorite food?

Me: Burgers. 

Ella: My brisket.

Robert: Mom’s brisket. 

Question 2: What is Robert’s favorite movie?

Me: Caddyshack.

Ella: Caddyshack.

Robert: Caddyshack.

Question 3: What is Robert’s most important goal?

Me: To retire by 30.

Ella: To be a millionaire.

Robert: To retire by 30.

Question 4: What does Robert spend too much money on?

Me: Beer!

Ella: Beer!

Robert: Gadgets.

I don’t remember the other questions or answers, but I do recall laughing…a lot. When done, the production team thanked us, said we did a great job, and that we’d be hearing from them soon. About a month later, I did get a call. I was told they liked us, however the pilot for the show was not going forward. Why? No reason was given. Getting off the phone, I had to admit that I felt disappointed and when I told Robert and Ella, I think they felt the same way.

On the upside however, I realized that during the taping, Ella and I didn’t come off as foes, but more like friends. Two people on the same side. In a way, we were and always would be. And that side would be on the side of the person who connected us and brought us into each other’s lives in the first place. Robert.

Oh, and the score at the end of our round? Tied! Not one winner…but three.