Chocolate, coffee, and jeans. These things I like dark. The darker the better. But the darker side of the holiday that is upon us? No thanks! I know many kids and adults love this time of year when they like to see, and be, all things ghoulish. Witches, goblins, zombies, spiders, mummies, and ghosts. These and other eerie scary creatures enliven the spooky side of Halloween. Parties, festive fall fare, and humor bring out the lighter side. Given a choice between being amused or frightened, I’ll take laughing over shrieking anytime!
From my journal: October 12, 2023, Newbury Park, California
“Robert warned me about the giant – like 20 feet high! – Halloween figures at a home on Ranchwood…yikes! When I saw them and others around Banyan Park, it was enough to give me nightmares! Where are all the pretty painted pumpkins?!!”
To all of you scaredy cats out there like me, who wish to laugh instead of scream your way through Halloween, here are some jokes that will be sure to tickle your funny bone! Enjoy!
- Where does a witch go to get a new cat? From a cat-alog.
- Why wouldn’t the ghost dance at the party? He had no body to dance with him.
- How do vampires get around on Halloween? On blood vessels.
- Who did the little monster ask for when he was scared? His mummy.
- Who did the ghost take on a date? His ghoul-friend.
- What do you call a witch’s garage? A broom closet.
- What do ghosts take when they have a cough? Coffin drops.
- What is the mummy’s holiday job? Gift wrapper.
- What’s a witch’s favorite makeup? Ma-scare-a.
- What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
- What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument? A trom-bone.
- Where does a pumpkin preach? From the pulp-it.
- What do ghosts chew? Boo-ble gum.
- Why didn’t the skeleton go to the scary movie? He didn’t have the guts.
- What room does a ghost not need in a house? A living room.
- What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? Neck-tarines.
- What position does the ghost play in soccer? Ghoul-keeper.
- Why was Cinderella bad at football? Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.
- What do skeletons order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
- Why did the witch take a nap? She needed to rest a spell.
- What is a ghost’s favorite sandwich? Boo-loney.
- What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach? A sand-witch!
- Where did the skeleton keep his money? In the crypt-o market.
- How do mummies tell their future? They read their horror-scope.
- What was the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
- How do you mend a jack-o’-lantern? With a pumpkin patch.
- What is a ghost’s favorite meal? Ghost beef.
- What brand of shampoo do zombies use? Head and Shoulders.
- Why do ghosts make the best cheerleaders? They have a lot of spirit!
- What do you call two witches who live together? Broom-mates!
- What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie? Your teeth.
- What’s a ghost’s favorite dessert? I-Scream!
- What happened to the witch who flew her broom while angry? She flew off the handle.
- Where do ghosts buy their food? At the ghost-ery store!
- What’s a pumpkin’s favorite Western? The Gourd, the Bad, and the Ugly
- What do vegetarian zombies eat? Graaaains!
- Why do vampires not want to become investment bankers? They hate stakeholders.
- What do you call a witch with a rash? An itchy-witchy.
- What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music.
- How do ghosts send letters? Through the ghost office.
- Where does a skeleton go for a fun night? Anywhere, as long as it’s a hip joint.
- Who helped the little pumpkin cross the road? The crossing gourd.
- Why did the ghost quit studying? Because he was too ghoul for school.
- What is a witch’s favorite game? Hide and shriek.
- What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash!
Witching you a boo-tiful and fang-tastic Halloween! Have a howling good time!
A Journal Journey 